260. DAY 752-My captors continue to taunt me with
bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am
forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that
keeps me going is the hope of escape, and
the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the
occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may
eat another houseplant.
DAY 761-Today my attempt to kill my captors
by weaving around their feet while they were
walking almost succeeded, must try this at
the top of the stairs. In an attempt to
disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I
once again induced myself to vomit on their
favorite chair...must try this on their bed.
DAY 762-Slept all day so that I could annoy
my captors with sleep depriving, incessant
pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night.
DAY 765-Decapitated a mouse and brought them
the headless body, in attempt to make them
aware of what I am capable of, and to try to
strike fear into their hearts. They only
cooed and condescended about what a good
little cat I was...Hmmm must try this with
their baby...

536. Man decided to sleep on the beach. Gathered up his towel and
sunglasses and suntan oil and went down to the shore. The place where
he wanted to lay down and catch a nap while sunbathing was filled with
screeching birds, gulls, terns, pelicans, pigeons, ducks and geese. He
got really angry at this and started throwing rocks at the birds until
they had all flown away except for one small tern. So he spread his
blanket on the sand, put on the suntan oil, lay down and went to sleep.
While he was sleeping the little tern came over and pecked his eyes
out. The moral of the story?
If you want to sleep on the beach, leave no tern unstoned!

2980. Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: ONE - He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around
him.

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